TWO SECONDS RULE

Saya mulai ikut kelas yoga, yang lokasinya persis sebelah rumah, sejak Maret 2016, berarti sudah sekitar 2 tahun. Hasilnya? Sedikit bisa, banyakan enggaknya hahaha. Badan saya termasuk yang kaku kayak papan kalau kata guru yoga saya, jadi pose yang membutuhkan kelenturan, terutama pinggul, lebih sulit untuk saya lakukan. Selain itu, ada masa saya memilih bolos yoga karena berbagai alasan (lagi menstruasi, badan masih pegal akibat yoga sebelumnya, atau karena ada kerjaan lainnya). Pasrah deh kalau guru yoga mulai ngomel sudah ikut lama tetapi beberapa pose akro dasar saja belum bisa hehe.

Nah, dua bulan terakhir ceritanya sedikit berbeda karena saya ikut kelas yoga cukup intens, 3-4 kali seminggu. Rekor sih ini karena berasa banget cucian baju olahraga seperti kejar setoran cuci kering. Tentunya, kadang muncul juga rasa malas karena capek dan pegal kelas sebelumnya belum hilang. Bahkan, di tengah sesi pun kadang muncul pikiran untuk berhenti.

Hayati sungguh lelah pun.

Namun, saya paksakan terus untuk mengikuti sesi, hari demi hari. Ada kemajuan kah? Sedikit hahaha. Ukuran pinggang berasa lebih kecil sih karena sebagian besar celana/rok terasa lebih longgar, tetapi berat badan enggak turun, malah naik sekian gram. Yang pasti saya merasa lebih sehat, tujuan paling penting yang ingin dicapai.

Biasanya, menjelang sesi berakhir, ada beberapa pose yang kami latih bersama, ada yang butuh bantuan/pegangan dari teman/guru yoga, ada juga yang cukup dengan tenaga sendiri. Saat pose-nya sudah siap untuk dilepas dari pegangan, teman-teman yoga akan saling menyemangati “Dua detik… tahan dua detik!” Biar bagus hasil fotonya. Foto ini merupakan pengingat milestone yang sudah dicapai, tidak mudah untuk kepala dibawah kaki di atas dengan seimbang tetapi mungkin untuk dilakukan. Tentunya, bonusnya foto kece bisa dishare di media sosial.

Dua tahun ikut yoga, prinsip dasarnya masih sama. Untuk menjadi lebih kuat dan fleksibel, latihan rutin dan terus menerus kuncinya. Well, too bad I will miss the class again for a while. Definitely, gonna miss them. Till next time, my girls!

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Laparoskopi

“Operasi laparoskopi itu diapain sih?”

Kurang-lebih, ini inti pertanyaan yang sering saya terima saat cerita tentang tindakan medis yang saya lalui beberapa waktu lalu. Versi singkatnya saya akan menjawab:

“Laparoskopi itu perutnya dibolongin di beberapa titik, terus dimasukin kamera untuk melihat apa yang bermasalah dan atau perlu dibersihkan”

Cuma segitu? Mendingan buka google sepertinya ya hehe.

Selain google, saya pun mencari informasi melalui blog cerita pengalaman orang lain. Diskusi dengan dokter terbatas waktunya jadi tambahan informasi dari sumber yang pernah mengalaminya lumayan membantu untuk mempersiapkan diri (efek sampingnya jadi lebih kepikiran resikonya juga sih, walaupun minor case).

Nah, setelah melaluinya, tidak salah kalau saya ikut berbagi pengalaman kan #iyainaja mudah-mudahan membantu yang akan melalui operasi laparoskopi juga. Dari pengalaman pribadi, walaupun sudah banyak baca pengalaman orang lain ternyata ada juga hal yang saya missed untuk persiapkan. Dan pastinya, ada hal-hal yang berbeda juga.

Disclaimer:

Ini adalah pengalaman pribadi saya menjalani operasi laparoskopi di rumah sakit Loh Guan Lye, Penang, Malaysia, ditangani oleh dr. Devindran. Tidak untuk dijadikan rujukan tindakan medis.

 

H-1 Persiapan Operasi

Karena drama perjalanan yang terjadi (cerita lengkapnya disini), kurang tidur dan masih kecapekan, kami baru tiba di ruang tunggu praktek dokter sekitar jam 9 pagi. Biasanya disarankan paling tidak jam 8 sudah di registrasi area. Tambahan informasi dari suster, untuk pasien lama (bukan pertama kali) registrasi bisa dilakukan di registrasi gedung lama, dekat apotik, tidak jauh dari ruang praktek dokter >> diinfokan demikian karena saya melakukan registrasi di gedung baru.

Saya sudah melakukan tes darah di lab di kunjungan sebelumnya bulan lalu (sekalian pap smear dan ada tes untuk HIV/AIDS juga), jadi rencananya hari ini kami akan membahas persiapan operasi dan hasil lab tersebut.

Seperti biasa, dokter melakukan USG TransV kemudian memberikan wejangan-wejangan persiapan operasi. Apa saja wejangannya? Untuk hari itu, dianjurkan untuk makan yang sehat/segar dan mudah dicerna, jam 9 malam makan obat pencahar, dan mulai puasa jam 6 pagi (operasi dijadwalkan siang hari).

Lalu kami pun lupa membahas hasil tes darah bulan lalu, terlalu fokus dengan penjelasan dokternya hahaha #dudung

Sebelum kembali ke hotel, yang letaknya di seberang rumah sakit, kami memutuskan makan siang di restaurant persis sebelah hotel. Lokasinya sengaja dipilih yang walking distance. Restaurant Sim Nam Huat ini menunya sederhana sekali (tepatnya tidak pakai buku menu, cuma tulisan di dinding, jadi kalau mau pesan bisa langsung ke koki di depan atau pelayan yang mencatat pakai semacam ipad *sederhana tapi canggih). Menu-nya cuma ayam/bebek/babi panggang yang diberi potongan timun, 2 jenis sayur (toge atau selada tumis), dan kuah sop. Iya tahu makanan yang seperti ini yang mestinya dihindari tetapi #akukhilaf

Sorenya kami menyempatkan pergi ke Gurney Paragon Mal untuk ke supermarket dan sekalian makan malam. Apa menunya? Mie ayam baso ikan dengan telur setengah matang, teri goreng, pakai sambal khas buatan si penjual. Ini juga enak banget #akukhilaflagi (khilaf kok berulang sih mbak)

Akibatnya, malamnya setelah makan obat pencahar tidak berasa apa-apa sampai ketiduran menunggu panggilan alam. Jujur ini bikin deg-degkan sih, gimana kalau urusan ke belakang ini mampet? Untunglah subuh-subuh alam pun memanggil. Tapi, saya jadinya takut makan hahahaha. Akhirnya cuma minum 1 gelas air putih untuk sarapan #akhirnyatobat

 

Hari H – Operasi

Kami sudah di meja registrasi jam 7:30 pagi karena memang diminta untuk menyelesaikan administrasi jam 8. Setelah urusan administrasi dan asuransi selesai, kami diantar ke ruang rawat di lantai 6. Suster kemudian memberikan baju ganti (hospital gown dan kimono), alas tidur, dan pembalut. Alas tidur dan pembalutnya untuk pemakaian nanti, yang perlu dilakukan hanya ganti baju dan menunggu.

Sambil menunggu, suster bolak-balik dari mengecek tensi, area down there, form-form yang perlu ditandatangani, dan memberikan obat pencahar yang dimasukkan dari anus. Kali ini dalam hitungan menit perut saya sudah bergejolak minta ke belakang. Sambil menunggu, suami sempat ke kantin bawah untuk beli makan siang untuk dirinya sendiri *yaiyalah masa buka puasa sebelum operasi mbaknyaa

Sekitar jam 12, dua orang suster berbeda datang menjemput dengan tempat tidur beroda untuk dibawa ke ruang persiapan operasi. Di ruangan ini terasa suasana sibuk dengan para petugas medis ramai berseliweran, sementara kami para pasien tidur berjejer menunggu giliran.

Suster masih bolak-balik menghampiri dengan form yang perlu ditandatangani, menambah selimut dengan yang lebih tebal, memasang penghubung jarum di punggung tangan, dan terakhir dokter anestesi memperkenalkan diri.

Kalau pasien dokter Devindran lainnya kan suka cerita, dokter mengunjungi mereka sebelum operasi, memberikan kata-kata yang menenangkan. Saya? Sampai masuk ruang operasi super dingin dan dokter anestesi menyuntik obat bias, saya tidak bertemu sosok beliau. Tepatnya, sepanjang hari operasi sih malah tidak melihat langsung dokternya.

*sad, merasa dianaktirikan #pasiendrama

Saat terbangun, yang ditemui wajah suster yang menunjukkan potongan kecil di dalam kantung plastik yang saya asumsikan diambil dari dalam perut saya. Tidak lama kemudian saya dibawa ke ruang rawat kembali. Moment paling bahagia dipersembahkan oleh wajah suami yang menunggu dengan cemas di balik pintu operasi. Aseliiiii… kapan lagi lihat suami secemas itu hahahaha.

Saya belum merasakan sakit sampai tiba saatnya dipindahkan dari tempat tidur dorong ke tempat tidur ruang rawat karena untuk perpindahannya, saya harus mendorong badan sendiri untuk bergeser. Walaupun suster membantu tetapi tetap terasa sakit di area perut.

Tidak lama, ada petugas yang datang membawa teh dan air putih. Kan, saya sudah hampir 12 jam puasa, selain itu tenggorokan terasa sakit. Seingatnya saya langsung minum air putih sedikit-sedikit, baru minum teh. Baru setelahnya buang angin hahaha *agak kebalik dari cerita orang-orang ya. Malamnya dikasih makan bubur ikan yang enak banget, entah karena lapar atau memang enak dari sananya, atau karena efek disuapin suami hehehe.

Selesai makan, saya minta suami pulang sebelum jam besuk berakhir supaya bisa istirahat dan makan malam juga. Tidak lama suster datang mengecek apakah saya mau mau buang air kecil. Karena pasien yang letak tempat tidurnya dekat kamar mandi masih ditunggui sama 3 orang (rame ya hahaha), jadinya saya agak malas ke kamar mandi padahal ada rasa ingin buang air kecil tapi masih bisa ditahanlah. jadi saya bilang nanti saja. Eh, susternya keukeh katanya dicoba saja dulu karena sudah cukup lama dari waktu saya minum sebelumnya *ketawa pait pait pait berharap susternya lupa dan pindah ke pasien lainnya.

Akhirnya saya mencoba bangun dari tempat tidur dan ternyata sakit amat yaa. Akhirnya suster bantuin untuk bangun. Waktu jalan sih tidak terlalu sakit walau jalannya masih sepelan siput raksasa. Pas buang air kecil masih ada bercampur darah dan gumpalan seperti lagi menstruasi. Oia, saya agak lupa sejak kapan dipakein pembalut. Ingatnya pas buang air kecil, di pembalutnya masih ada darah seperti menstruasi. Setelah naik lagi ke tempat tidur, beneran berharap enggak perlu turun lagi hahaha.

Setelahnya, saya belajar untuk turun/naik dari tempat tidur sendiri. Salah satu suster senior sempat meminta untuk menampung air kecil di kateter kamar mandi, katanya perlu diukur banyaknya. Lah, saya sudah dua kali buang air kecil langsung blass. Akhirnya memang enggak pernah ditampung karena pas yang ke-3 kalinya, kami tanya ke susternya lagi diinfokan tidak perlu. Sepertinya karena buang air kecilnya lancar dan banyak.

 

H+1 The after effect

Walaupun Penang lebih cepat 1 jam tetapi jam 6:30 masih sepi, biasanya setelah jam 7 baru mulai berasa kotanya hidup lagi. Saya biasanya bangun lebih awal, kebiasaan siapin sarapan suami sebelum berangkat kerja. Jadi saya sempat bangun bangun dari tempat tidur, duduk di kursi dekat jendela menikmati matahari terbit.

Sekitar jam 7an, serombongan suster datang lagi untuk cek tensi darah dan yang lainnya. Ternyata kalau disini, susternya beneran seperti kepala asrama. Setelah cek sana sini, semua pasien diminta untuk bersih-bersih (cuci muka dan sikat gigi saja karena belum boleh mandi) dan berpakaian yang layak (sebagian pasien, termasuk saya, masih memakai hospital gown).

Untunglah proses bersih-bersih ini tidak diawasi karena saya tidak bawa baju ganti apalagi buat mandi hahahah *anaknya terlalu santai untuk beberapa kondisi. Saya pikir karena letak hotel dan rumah sakit berseberangan, paginya saat suami datang aja sekalian bawain peralatan tersebut. Sudah saya siapin sih, tinggal angkut. Tetapi suami kan datangnya di jam besuk (mulai jam 8 pagi kalau tidak salah). Jadilah pagi itu saya cuma cuci muka dan kumur-kumur pakai air saja.

Saat inilah terjadi percakapan antara saya dengan pasien lokal yang kemudian saya ceritakan ke suami berakhir penghinaan ke diri sendiri

Pasien Y: Sdkels@l$slsk… (dia menanyakan sesuatu sambil kumur-kumur)

Saya: sorry… *merasa enggak yakin apa yang ditanyakan

Pasien Y: menyelesaikan kumur-kumurnya …. Boy or girl?

Saya: Oh no, I just had laparoscopic surgery *sambil ngeloyor pergi

Dan pak suami yang baik hatinya pun memberikan nasehat, “Seharusnya kamu jawab ‘It’s fatty’ saja” *dia belum pernah dimurkai isteri yang udah 2x makan hanya dapat jatah bubur semangkuk kecil

Dokter kemudian datang sekitar jam 9. Terjadilah insiden suami dimarahi kedua kalinya hahahaha. Pertama kali karena masih buka HP saat di ruang konsul (menurut dia padahal untuk mengubah suara ke vibrate). Sebelum dokter memeriksa, beliau meminta suami untuk duduk dan menunggu sebentar. Kemudian gorden semua ditutup, dokter ditemani oleh satu orang suster memeriksa bekas jahitan operasi. Eh, suami saya itu kan suka tengil jadi dia ngintip lah dari ujung gorden. Dimarahin sama dokter disuruh tutup gordennya lagi hahaha.

Dari pemeriksaan dokter, kondisi saya sudah ok untuk kembali ke hotel. Hanya saja diminta untuk istirahat, jangan kelayapan atau ngebabu dulu *mental mamak2s. Tidak ada pantangan makanan, hanya yang fresh dan sehat saja.

Lucunya pada saat suami mau melakukan pembayaran, disuruh besok saja sekalian kunjungan terakhir ke dokter. Memang sih ada asuransi yang menjamin tetapi kejadian langka ini sepertinya tidak mungkin terjadi di rumah sakit di Indonesia.

 

H+2 Last visit before flying back

Tadinya kami dijadwalkan untuk ketemu dokter di hari sabtu pagi. Kami sepakat untuk memesan tiket pulang setelah selesai operasi untuk mengantisipasi situasi yang terjadi. Saya operasi rabu, menginap semalam, dan ternyata kata dokternya hari jumat sudah bisa ketemu dokter untuk pemeriksaan terakhir. Berasa banget sih memang prosesnya selalu dibuat seefisien mungkin.

Kali ini tidak registrasi dulu, langsung ke ruang praktek dokter, drop kartu pasien di box antrian dan tunggu giliran dipanggil. Menunggunya juga cuma sebentar.

Wejangan dari dokter kali ini untuk mulai banyakin jalan agar proses recovery lebih cepat. Awal minggu depan saya sudah boleh mulai olah raga ringan. Dikasih PR untuk mengurangi berat badan, menghindari makanan berminyak dan yang pedas.

Untuk obat-obatan, saya cuma diberi 3 jenis: vitamin C (sepertinya karena saya batuk dan tenggorokan terasa sakit), ponstan (pereda nyeri, yang tidak saya minum karena masih bisa ditahan sakitnya), dan obat oles untuk bekas jahitan (di perut kiri bawah) dan di lubang pusar. Dari cerita pasien lainnya, terkadang ada jahitan di dekat pusar, untuk case saya sepertinya dibolongi langsung melalui lubang pusar.

Seminggu setelah operasi saya sudah mulai lari jarak dekat hehe, seminggu setelahnya baru ikut kelas yoga intens lagi.

Demikian ceritanya. Pas dialami rasanya tidak enak memang, tetapi setelah dilalui, ini salah satu situasi yang bisa diberikan quote “badai pasti berlalu”.

 

 

 

 

The Storm Shall Pass

I just opened my eyes examining the soft blue and white color room when a woman approached my bed. I assumed she was a nurse based on her blue uniform matched the wall’s color. She had something in her hand, fresh cut flesh zipped in a transparent medical plastic bag. She handed it closer to my eyes while said something that my brain denied to proceed its meaning. People talks commonly in three languages here: Malay, English, and Mandarin. I bet she talked in Malay as my brown skin definitely didn’t represent the other two nations. I should understand the words though as Malay is quite similar with Bahasa Indonesia. It seemed I was still under post-anesthesia effect. I tried to say something responding whatever she was talking about but nothing came out from my mouth, just a groaning sound with a sore in my throat. The nurse looked satisfied with my respond though then left me alone.

Based on some blog reviews I read before, generally there were two reactions people used to say/think: they ask the nurse where they are, or, they ask whether the surgery had been done or not. None of them popped in my mind at that time because nothing was more important than knowing I survived the surgery.

Wait!

This is not the first story that I’d like to share with you. Let me take you to the first chapter that happened three days before I wake up in the post-surgery room. Bear with me, the story is going to be a long one.

Chapter 1.

I almost fell asleep when the pilot announced that our flight will take off soon leaving Soekarno-Hatta to Penang Airport. It was almost 2pm. We should be in the sky since one hour ago but there were situations here and there that delayed our flight schedule. The service elevator was off so 8 priority wheelchair passengers took longer time moving from boarding lounge to the plane. Then, right at the moment flight attendant closed the door, three passengers requested to un-board from the plane as one of them felt not well (respiratory problem I guessed, eavesdropping unintentionally their conversation). Hence, we expected to arrive at Penang around 5.30pm, hotel check-in, dinner… my brain proceeded few adjustment for our first day itinerary before I finally fell asleep.

I woke up for a while wondering why there was no familiar sounds of flight attendants serving the meals & drinks. The fasten seat sign light also was still on. From my second row middle seat, I still could see the sea below us. How long had we been on the sky? However, I fell asleep again before my brain proceeded the response. Such a sleepy head! I woke up the second time as one of flight attendants shouted an instruction to a female passenger who sat couple rows behind us to keep stay on her seat. She even repeated the instruction three times. The incident was quite annoying but the fact she didn’t leave her buckled seat while giving instruction bothered me more. It seemed there was no one leave their seat since the plane took off, except that female passenger.

‘I think we’re just flying around the same area’, my husband who sat next to the window whispered quietly as if he intended to prevent any panic response.

The memory of my flight from Jakarta to Batam a decade ago (by the same airplane company) flashed in a second. It was only 30 minutes after the plane took off, pilot announced there was technical problem so we need to go back to Jakarta, the oxygen masks popped up while flight attendant instructed us to use it as soonest, some passengers hummed a teary prayer, some others holding hands. Despite we landed safely back to original departure, this incident haunted me till years later.

‘It’s the second time I see the same ship on the sea below. That’s nonsense!’ my husband continued whispering on my ears.

‘Oh, really?’ I tried to be calm as I could sense his worries too.

I totally woke up now. I reached a magazine from the pocket seat in front of me. I desperately need some distractions right now. Eventually, I couldn’t focus into any article, just flipping pages.

Shortly after I put the magazine back, pilot finally made an announcement. There was a technical problem so we need to go back to Soekarno-Hatta airport. It would take another 20 minutes estimately. No one need to be panicked, everything was under control. The thing was he paused every time he finished a sentence.

‘Why we don’t go to Lampung airport, instead. It supposed to be closer than Jakarta airport.’ My husband talked to himself. We did not really know where we were then exactly. For economic reason, I guessed. I replied in my mind not wanting to rise another tension.

If you have 20 minutes only for a lunch break, time flies in a blink. The same 20 minutes in the air knowing there is a technical problem feels like forever.

“Five minutes. Duh!” my mother in law who joined us on this trip initiatively switched the function of her watch into a timer. I just nodded agreeing with her count. Another 15 minutes to go, I replied again only in my head. My brain kicked another memory of air plane accident which none of passengers and crews survived. I felt sick.

I didn’t want to die. We had just started another fresh beginning this year, new exciting plans. We didn’t hit any important milestone yet. I wish I could do anything to escape from this situation but it was way beyond my control. My mind looked for assurance from the Mighty One hoping that the finish line of our journey was not part of His plan that day.

‘Why the three of us fly the same air plane. If something happened, we are done!’ my mother in law as usual had her own worries.

There is an unwritten rule for our family, if possible, to fly different flight to prevent this kind (or worst) of situation. Actually, when we discussed the option of flight time, my husband chose for first flight (6am) but I refused as we need to be at the airport so early in the morning. If only I could go back to the past, I’d gladly change the schedule to his preference.

The moment we landed safely in Soetta Airport was a big relief for everyone, for a while. There were few ‘situations’ waiting for us on the ground. It’s a fifty-fifty possibility for us to fly back again to Penang. The substitute plane was currently stuck in Kuala Lumpur due to bad weather there. However ground crews gave us three options: change the ticket for tomorrow’s flight schedule (which we need to check the seat availability) or other schedule during certain period; full refund of the ticket (the airplane will return our ticket fare fully); or keep waiting for the KL’s plane (last update it would landed around 8pm in Soetta Airport). The first two options were not preferable because if we were not able to visit the doctor as scheduled, we might have to wait another week or month for his available schedule. Also, our whatsapp groups were full with floods’ video and news. We decided to stay at the airport, waiting.

Stranded at the airport is a perfect metaphor for our current life journey. We have a destination to go but we just stuck for the moment. There’s possibility to go there but it’s not one hundred percent guarantee either that we will reach our intended destination as planned. I think we all agree that waiting is one of most unpleasant things to do.

I had experienced a two days stranded at the airport on last December (my flight from Jakarta to Sabang was delayed due to mountain eruption and bad weather), things that shouldn’t be proud of, however it taught me one important lessons: don’t waste your energy to be mad at the crew because the control is beyond their hand. Just keep them busy to update the situation and provide foods and drinks. Then we can focus the energy to manage the things we can control, like inform hotel for reservation adjustment, change connecting flight reschedule (if any), itinerary adjustment (hello plan B, C), and so on. The rest, save your energy because the waiting is probably a long one.

Around 10pm, finally we were back to the sky again then landed safely in Penang Airport around 1am. Hello, again Penang! I looked around trying to find familiar structures of the airport. That was my second time visiting Penang. The first one was on last January.

Chapter 2.

Early January 2018…

We were sitting nervously at doctor’s room on the last day of our end-new year trip to Penang. We fell in love with Penang, a small town with beautiful old building and affordable delicious foods everywhere. The past three days of our holiday trip were a great experience for us. Within seconds all those lovely memory drowned into nowhere the moment our new Obgyn, who we met at the very first time that day, suggested us to do the laparoscopic surgery. We did not see that coming!

He spoke to us in Malay slowly and calmly as if he wanted us to understand every bit of the information. Through USG procedure, he found polyps and suspected adenomyosis (sister of endometriosis). Adding another weight of my medical history was another reason he recommended us to do the laparoscopic surgery.

Though we had booked return flight for this trip, it’s still cheaper to cancel the flight than to buy another return flight. However, I just was not ready. I was scared to be honest. My husband had his own history, laparoscopy turned into laparotomy surgery when he had his gallbladder removed. We had visited some doctors in Jakarta and none of them suggest for the laparoscopic procedure. So we agreed to decide to postpone the procedure to next month. The time we flew back to Jakarta, I made up my mind. I couldn’t let my fear stopped me at this phase. I have 30 days to think and prepare physically and mentally.

Before leaving the hospital, the nurse suggested us to contact our insurance company. There is possibility this kind of medical procedure covered by insurance. So, a week after returning home, we discussed the situation with our insurance agent. There’re two things that my case considerably eligible to be covered: I was never diagnosed with the symptoms before I applied for the insurance. Secondly, after the surgery, I need to stay overnight at the hospital, at least. It’s okay for us if the cover would be on reimbursement system. Fortunately, our insurance has its network in Malaysia so we could ask for a guarantee letter for cashless payment system. I contacted this third party network then submitted required documents (personal data and letter from the doctor). Everything went smooth and the response was fast every time I contacted them.

I sent some follow up emails to ask the update for the guarantee letters. The answers always came back the same though. They had coordinated with Malaysia representative officer then nothing else we could do except waiting. The day we arrived in Penang, a day before surgery, there was still no letter received in my email. Tired and lack of sleep after our flight incident, I really didn’t want to be burdened with this kind of administrative issue. Thinking of time and energy I had spent so far for this letter, I managed to send an email after visiting our doctor for last preparation. I explained the consequences caused by guarantee letter abstain would made us need to pay 75% of estimated charge as deposit charge tomorrow morning (if we could submit the letter, we only need to pay around 10% as deposit charge).

We didn’t get the guarantee letter till evening that day. I felt upset because my mother in law proceed the same procedure, same insurance. Malaysia’s representative officer contacted her just few hours after she signed the form for possibility insurance covered after visiting her own doctor. She even didn’t need the insurance covered as she decided to postpone the surgery. I was one hundred percent confirmed would be in operation room tomorrow morning but none of insurance representative contacted me yet. So, I sent an upset customer email (finger crossed my career as external affairs handling this kind of situation wasn’t rustic yet). My husband eventually sent another email when I told him I didn’t want to check my email anymore.

Later that night, the expected guarantee letter finally received in my email. I guess that was a cue that all was set up for tomorrow’s surgery.

Chapter 3.

When I was a child, I once had an accident. I was still in second year of elementary school, not having my 9th birthday yet. It was during new-year season. I was with a friend heading to someone’s house. It was normal at that time (maybe till now) that children visit their neighbor for new-year greetings. The more house we visited, the more delicious cookies and sugary syrup drinks filled our tummy. We walked at the side of the road while I saw that motorcycle approaching us. From my experience, the person who involved in an accident didn’t see how it’s happened. It felt like I just closed my eyes for a second, black screen appeared, then when I opened my eyes, I felt someone holding me walking in a rush. I didn’t feel the pain yet. I figured out we just passed my home, but he didn’t stop. He kept walking. That moment, I started to cry. I was scared. I didn’t understand what was going on. There was this urge feeling to find a safe place, my home, but we had passed it.

Later, I figured out that they brought me to hospital (located near my home), I saw the doctor and then more people came around. The doctor tried to calm me down as I still cried. My last memory was about the smell of hospital’s sphere. I went home with broken upper arm joint that cost twelve precious days of school. At that time, school was my obsession. Being absence from school was a nightmare for my childhood days. Since that day, going to hospital was a big no-no for me. Even though, I tried to be calm every time stepping into hospital door, there were still events that add more unpleasant memory of being hospitalized. My mom passed away in hospital. I had miscarriage, curette surgery, in hospital.

All those unpleasant experiences with hospital were an unplanned event. I didn’t get this kind of privilege to think about it over and over again. The side effects of my career journey, I was trained to think from many perspectives and ready for back-up plan. I did a good research which gave me many valuable information of surgery and of course the risk that also possible to happen. I did asked my husband couple times how if I die during surgery procedure. My sub-consciousness tried to make a denial petition, I guessed.

So, I made time to pray, a lot. I prayed for everything, the doctor, nurse, medication, tools. It gave me comfort then I thought I might be ready, at last. My husband kept me companied until the nurse took me passing the surgery door. When, I saw my husband standing alone before the door closed, I know I was still scared. I was scared that might be the last time I saw him. I was scared that I might didn’t wake up from anesthesia. This should be a 2-3 hours surgery only but why all the thoughts of my contribution for life, what I didn’t not do yet, suddenly filled my consciousness. I prayed for the last time. I begged for life. I never wanted to be alive that much. I wanted to see my husband again. Gladly, few hours later I woke up and met that nurse at post surgery room.

I am grateful for being able to write the experience today. It means that I am still alive (of course!). It was a minimum invasive surgery so I only need one night to stay at hospital. I can say that this is a kind of short term pain. I did having difficulties for around a week to wake up from laying to standing position, I walked like a penguin with speed slower than a snail for a few days, and bumpy road was definitely an enemy. Less of pain, but still a pain. However, it shall pass. Two weeks after surgery, I manage to join my yoga class again and other activities normally.

Those unpleasant experiences are like the storm in a dark cloudy sky. It may be a scary one if we drive on the highway where none of building higher than our height or maybe the same storm is nothing for us since there are other things that keep our attention away from their sound and light. However, the storm will keep coming over and over again. Just like other nature’s doing, we cannot prevent them to happen. We may prepare some anticipation but there’s phase that we just need to be surrender and keep moving forward. The storm won’t stay forever. It shall pass, one day.