We had a regular visitor at home since a month ago or more. It’s a cat! I let this male cat in because he was really good in catching mouse. He got two mouses already and always showed curiousity to any strange sound around the house. Couple days ago, after a short trip with my husband, I came back home then found the cat was missing (he showed up for a while then left without any notice. What I suppose to expect from a cat?). He used to stay at our garage or veranda during a day and visited his girlfriend which stayed at the cross side of our house at night. So, he’s quite in my view a whole day and night. His missing existence left me a broken feeling. I feel betrayed. I just left for couple days then he suddenly decided to leave for good. Damn it! Do I sound like a drama queen already? Ha, you got me!
Currently, I feel the drama also on whether women (wife) should work or stay at home topic. I am thankful and grateful for some videos/articles that showing support for both sides. It is definitely one of endless discussion, case and example, pro and contra topic which one is better than another. Both side has its own pain and failure as well perk and benefit. So, I decide, wisely or not – reasonably or not, to choose not taking side. However, I feel this urge feeling to write my thought after reading one of Facebook’s status of one of quite well-known woman figure. She takes side and explains the reason why she takes that side. It doesn’t matter which side she takes. I don’t against anyone (women, men, brother, sister, best friend, stranger) who took side either. But, the more I think about her reason, the more I feel being judged into small boxes, called labelling. Someone’s bad story might happened to you if you are in the similar track. Because you are X, you might survive Y.
For the background, I had worked my ass very hard for eight years as a Professional (even before graduated from university then married my kind-heartedly man – it’s almost 3 years already now. Here’s the full background story). It’s already six months for me being a stay at home wife. In order to make it more dramatically-lousy life, I have no kids that give me reason to be busy with, no freelance work to keep my dignity as alumni of one of best university in Indonesia, no ambitious target of what impact should I create, and limited social activities to keep my sanity in balance. My life seems suck and stuck now. Yes, it is. But still, I decide to not taking side which one is better than another.
Why have to.
I don’t know what kind of life would be the best for Pawpaw (I named our visitor cat). I have experienced in dealing with cats previously, some of them were born through my care while others were adopted since they were just a kitten or already a mommy/daddy’s cat, and more just dropped by for a season. I will never know because each of them has their own unique different experience of life. I can offer suggestion or style of what I thought the best for them but at the end I don’t know everything about them. I only know a little about their life. I am not with them 24/7. I only shared few moments of their entire life, good and bad one.
It is similar with what we know about other’s life. Sometimes, even though she is our closed one, there are things that we don’t know about them. We may watch or share only a glimpse of their 30 years, more or less, life story.
I heard way too much stories about the pain of both side that make reason the other side is better:
- A cheating husband after decades of marriage but the stay at home wife kept the marriage because she’s too afraid to go back to professional world to be financially independent again. Did you missed the fact that working wife is also possible to have a cheating husband? Or do you know that in some marriage’s arrangement, stay at home wife keeps all the money, savings, and most of valuable things under wife’s name to avoid higher taxes?
- Inspiring stories of a working wife that survived the fallen of her husband’s career (or her husband just dead suddenly). It sounds like how on earth would happened if she had no career/work. Well, there are also stories of how a stay at home wife/mother builds her family from nothing alone after her husband gone. It means life doesn’t ended even though the worst thing comes to our life.
- A broken relationship because husband and wife are busy pursuing their career. Come on! Let one of them quits the track doesn’t simply solve the problem. It is their commitment to make time for each other.
- A wife who stopped working after a year grieving for her late husband. She just couldn’t back to her office. That’s ok! She is feeling better. She is more acceptance. She is happier. Why we think her world is tremble with our imaginary fear of doing nothing at home?
- Countless hours of a mother worried about her child at home. She couldn’t quit the job because she is the bread winner at home. She might shed some tears every night she tucked her child but she will smiles more in the future knowing that she prepared enough savings for her child education.
- And yes, there are still more stories out there…
Now, I have to take a very long deep breath before writing this. To everyone who read and share my thought, I offer my sincere plea, please do not taking side on whether a woman should work or stay at home. Please consider both side fairly, good and bad. We can give our support instead to whatever a woman wants to choose without taking side. It is not about winning or losing nor which one is better or worst. Please extend our hand longer to give more rooms for working wife as well stay at home wife so they can embrace their role, be their best, and be happy to be a woman.
And if you are curious about my happiness level as a stay at home wife, this is my answer for now, I am happy and also sad sometimes. Not to mention for certain different reasons, I was also happy and sad as a working wife. I will be still happy and sad at whatever I will be in the future. Life gives us both side, good and bad experiences. We need both of them to treasure the experience of both side. So, I don’t fall bothering on my feeling or being. I treasure (and not treasure) the journey. I am human.
Sending my warmest hugs to every women out there. No matter what you are and will be, you damn already wonderful creature!
P.S.: Pawpaw, please come back! This is my last warning before another cat is given permission to enter the house! Well, just come back. Let’s share our nap time together, again. You still get the garage side, for sure.