I beg you to not taking side

We had a regular visitor at home since a month ago or more. It’s a cat! I let this male cat in because he was really good in catching mouse. He got two mouses already and always showed curiousity to any strange sound around the house. Couple days ago, after a short trip with my husband, I came back home then found the cat was missing (he showed up for a while then left without any notice. What I suppose to expect from a cat?). He used to stay at our garage or veranda during a day and visited his girlfriend which stayed at the cross side of our house at night. So, he’s quite in my view a whole day and night. His missing existence left me a broken feeling. I feel betrayed. I just left for couple days then he suddenly decided to leave for good. Damn it! Do I sound like a drama queen already? Ha, you got me!

Currently, I feel the drama also on whether women (wife) should work or stay at home topic. I am thankful and grateful for some videos/articles that showing support for both sides. It is definitely one of endless discussion, case and example, pro and contra topic which one is better than another. Both side has its own pain and failure as well perk and benefit. So, I decide, wisely or not – reasonably or not, to choose not taking side. However, I feel this urge feeling to write my thought after reading one of Facebook’s status of one of quite well-known woman figure. She takes side and explains the reason why she takes that side. It doesn’t matter which side she takes. I don’t against anyone (women, men, brother, sister, best friend, stranger) who took side either. But, the more I think about her reason, the more I feel being judged into small boxes, called labelling. Someone’s bad story might happened to you if you are in the similar track. Because you are X, you might survive Y.

For the background, I had worked my ass very hard for eight years as a Professional (even before graduated from university then married my kind-heartedly man – it’s almost 3 years already now. Here’s the full background story). It’s already six months for me being a stay at home wife. In order to make it more dramatically-lousy life, I have no kids that give me reason to be busy with, no freelance work to keep my dignity as alumni of one of best university in Indonesia, no ambitious target of what impact should I create, and limited social activities to keep my sanity in balance. My life seems suck and stuck now. Yes, it is. But still, I decide to not taking side which one is better than another.

WHY?

Why have to.

I don’t know what kind of life would be the best for Pawpaw (I named our visitor cat). I have experienced in dealing with cats previously, some of them were born through my care while others were adopted since they were just a kitten or already a mommy/daddy’s cat, and more just dropped by for a season. I will never know because each of them has their own unique different experience of life. I can offer suggestion or style of what I thought the best for them but at the end I don’t know everything about them. I only know a little about their life. I am not with them 24/7. I only shared few moments of their entire life, good and bad one.

It is similar with what we know about other’s life. Sometimes, even though she is our closed one, there are things that we don’t know about them. We may watch or share only a glimpse of their 30 years, more or less, life story.

I heard way too much stories about the pain of both side that make reason the other side is better:

  • A cheating husband after decades of marriage but the stay at home wife kept the marriage because she’s too afraid to go back to professional world to be financially independent again. Did you missed the fact that working wife is also possible to have a cheating husband? Or do you know that in some marriage’s arrangement, stay at home wife keeps all the money, savings, and most of valuable things under wife’s name to avoid higher taxes?
  • Inspiring stories of a working wife that survived the fallen of her husband’s career (or her husband just dead suddenly). It sounds like how on earth would happened if she had no career/work. Well, there are also stories of how a stay at home wife/mother builds her family from nothing alone after her husband gone. It means life doesn’t ended even though the worst thing comes to our life.
  • A broken relationship because husband and wife are busy pursuing their career. Come on! Let one of them quits the track doesn’t simply solve the problem. It is their commitment to make time for each other.
  • A wife who stopped working after a year grieving for her late husband. She just couldn’t back to her office. That’s ok! She is feeling better. She is more acceptance. She is happier. Why we think her world is tremble with our imaginary fear of doing nothing at home?
  • Countless hours of a mother worried about her child at home. She couldn’t quit the job because she is the bread winner at home. She might shed some tears every night she tucked her child but she will smiles more in the future knowing that she prepared enough savings for her child education.
  • And yes, there are still more stories out there…

Now, I have to take a very long deep breath before writing this. To everyone who read and share my thought, I offer my sincere plea, please do not taking side on whether a woman should work or stay at home. Please consider both side fairly, good and bad. We can give our support instead to whatever a woman wants to choose without taking side. It is not about winning or losing nor which one is better or worst. Please extend our hand longer to give more rooms for working wife as well stay at home wife so they can embrace their role, be their best, and be happy to be a woman.

And if you are curious about my happiness level as a stay at home wife, this is my answer for now, I am happy and also sad sometimes. Not to mention for certain different reasons, I was also happy and sad as a working wife. I will be still happy and sad at whatever I will be in the future. Life gives us both side, good and bad experiences. We need both of them to treasure the experience of both side. So, I don’t fall bothering on my feeling or being. I treasure (and not treasure) the journey. I am human.

Sending my warmest hugs to every women out there. No matter what you are and will be, you damn already wonderful creature!

P.S.: Pawpaw, please come back! This is my last warning before another cat is given permission to enter the house! Well, just come back. Let’s share our nap time together, again. You still get the garage side, for sure.

 

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Kenapa ikut Yoga?

Sekitar sebulan terakhir, selain lari/jalan pagi, saya mulai ikut kelas yoga. Terasanya seperti ketinggalan ikut tren. Ibaratnya yang lain sudah heboh bikin appointment buat sulam alis 6D, saya baru stalking lipenstik. Jauh banget ketinggalannya, mbak! Hehe. Perasaan tertinggal ini juga yang menjadi penanda awal saya ikut kelas yoga lagi kali ini. Sekitar 2-3 tahun lalu, saya pernah ikut kelas yoga di salah satu pusat kebugaran terkenal sedunia (tuh kurang apalagi coba heitsnya). Ya waktu itu pun level saya masih beginner sih, yang artinya kaki bergetar rapuh dan tangan pegal tak karuan karena lamanya menopang badan sendiri. Jadi waktu datang pertama kali yoga yang sekarang ini, walaupun tetap masih level beginner, saya cukup percaya diri enggak buta banget lah. Yang terjadi, baru sepertiga sesi yoga berjalan, saya sudah pucat pasi menuju kehilangan kesadaran diri. Nafas sudah kacau balau, badan keringat dingin, dan yang saya inginkan cuma kabur, balik ke rumah dan tiduran di kasur. Duh, levelnya kok masih cemen banget ya hahaha. Akhirnya, yoga pertama saya tutup dengan tiduran di pojokan sambil minta dibuatin teh manis anget (plus bonus bantal pula).

Sesi berikutnya, saya enggak ikutan. Tapi beneran bukan karena kapok, kebetulan mata sebelah kiri bengkak dan lumayan mengganggu penglihatan. Jadi saya memilih untuk ke dokter mata dan menyelesaikan proses administrasi untuk BPJS Ketenagakerjaan. Mohon dipahami, memang random agendanya kalau udah jadi stay at home wife saja.

Serandom-randomnya hidup, I can say, sesi kelas yoga saya masih bertahan sampai sekarang. Jangan bayangin sudah sampai pada tahap pose sempurna, kaki, tangan, dan nafas saya masih berjuang untuk sekedar bertahan sampai sesi kelas berakhir. Terus, apa yang membuat saya tetap ikut kelas yoga?

Kesadaran akan badan yang menopang saya sehari-hari. Kaki saya ternyata tidak sekuat yang saya pikir walaupun sudah menjelajah ke berbagai kota dan terlihat majestic dengan heels 10 senti. Tangan saya ternyata yang paling duluan menyerah karena lelah merasa dituntut untuk selalu menjadi kuat. Jangan ditanya apa kabarnya dengan nafas yang engap kayak ikan koi terlempar keluar kolam. Badan saya perlu dilatih untuk berada dalam posisi yang benar, saling menopang, dan masing-masing bergantian mendapatkan kesempatan untuk menguatkan bagiannya.

Kelas yoga kami juga bebas menerima murid baru setiap saat jadi ada saatnya, instruktur yoga tidak bolak-balik dekat matras saya untuk mengoreksi karena ada murid-murid baru yang lebih butuh diperhatikan dan juga terasa lebih less pressure hehe. Ini moment paling gampang untuk bangga sama kemampuan diri sendiri dan pengen ikutan guru yoganya ngoreksi anak-anak baru (padahal apalah aku ini ya Tuhan). Kalau dipikir lagi, yang lebih pintar dari saya lebih banyak tapi mereka anteng aja dan fous sama yoganya. Lah ini yoga kan bukan team work yang saya harus merasa perlu mengkuatirkan orang lain. Fokus sama diri sendiri saja udah cukuplah susahnya.

Kelas yoga saya sebelumnya indoor, ber-AC, pakai musik, yoga mat-nya solid tebal, dan dengan instruktur yang terlihat sangat berlisensi. Nah, yang sekarang kebalikannya, outdoor, Angin Cepoi-cepoi, backsoundnya bukan musik tapi ibu-ibu rumpi yang kadang lebih rame dari ibu-ibu arisan, yoga mat-nya licin kalau tangan udah basah keringetan, dan jangan lupa guru yoga-nya sunda pisan (plank dibaca flank). Tapi saya lebih senang dengan yoga sekarang. Selain jauh lebih murah dan tinggal ngesot ke belakang rumah,  saya berasa belajar yoga yang serius. Guru yoganya enggak pelit kasih berbagai tips dan sering bantuin kita di saat terakhir buat pendinginan. Saya sebutnya personal treatment hehe. Teman-teman yoganya juga banyak yang seru (dan masih tetangga). Dan ada Ghina, teman les TOEFL, yang ketemu lagi setelah sekian tahun ternyata sekarang adalah tetangga yang jadi partner in crime hahaha.

Pada akhirnya, apa pun yang kita lakukan, jika itu untuk kebaikan maka lakukanlah sepenuh hati dan terus bertahan sampai selesai. Bijak amat ya hehe. Till next story!